Sunday, April 3, 2011

It's Not a Privilege, It's a Right!


Sex is always fun to talk about, so I wanted to write about a particular topic and cover some of the basics. Some of you seem ill informed about something, so let me school you...

You might think your body belongs to you...But ***NEWS FLASH*** IT DOESN'T!

Once you decide to enter a relationship with someone, you relinquish certain rights to your personal space -In all aspects - You share the bathroom, you make closet space, you get rid of those ugly ass throw pillows, and you give an ALL ACCESS pass to your goodies....


I nearly just poked an eye out with this thing...and you think, "I'm just not in the mood..." is gonna cut it? Are you crazy!?

Your body is my wonderland, and I literally have season pass tickets.

Now I know what you're thinking.."This is just the man's perspective.", "Just another horny guy being insensitive to the needs (or lack thereof) of women." ...... FALSE.

Think back to previous intimate sessions with your partner. There's a possibility that they weren't totally on board when you were ready to rock, and you didn't even know about it. Accommodations were probably made because your happiness is important to them. So on your honey moon when you kept climbing all over him, over and over and over and over... He might not have been super stoked, but he did it to make you happy!

Men aren't the machines that women are. I like the diesel engine / bottle rocket analogy here... Once warmed up, (most) women can go forever, with little down time between party sessions. Men are more like bottle rockets...

(Screeeeeeeeeeeech....POP!)
(How perfect is that phallic bottle rocket by the way?)

Get there fast with a big finish, then the party's over! Why do you think male brothels are such a terrible idea?...We're good for hours, or even a whole day before we feel like we might need to party again. Guys need it more often, but girls need it more in succession, and that's where we make the compromise. Unless physically unable to perform, we probably did what we could to make you happy.

There's a lot a man can put up with from a woman, he'll let you talk his ears off about the girls at work or how you're planning to revamp your entire wardrobe. He'll let you nag him till you're blue in the face. He'll let you capriciously spend his money. He'll fend for himself in the kitchen when you tell him you're not cooking tonight, but be the least bit stingy in the bedroom, and I can PROMISE it's not going to go over well. You're truly spinning the roulette wheel about how he's going to deal with it...

The train is coming...You just have to decide if you're going for the ride, or the secretary that's been eyeing him for the last 6 months is going to take your ticket.

Without a doubt, there's always someone else in line who's drooling for your spot, on both sides. So protect your investment! It's sad, but probably the biggest reason men leave or cheat is that they aren't happy in the bedroom; It's your job to remind them why your milkshake brings all the boys to the yard.

When he comes a' knockin', give him something to brag about. And If you don't feel like it, suck it up...

Metaphorically AND literally...Hah!
-CleverAlias