Make An Effort!

I think the definition of a harmonious relationship is when two people meet each other who are both willing to put forth EQUAL amounts of effort (at all stages). Too often it's a one sided scenario - One person is always engaging, asking questions, trying to get to know you, thinking of fun things to do, trying to be closer - and the other is just along for the ride.

(Sure, I'd love to lug you through this relationship...)

There are a lot of ways you can show effort and make the other person feel like you care. For starters, respond and give attention to your texts messages. A one or two word response, or closed ended response two hours later makes it kind of a one sided deal - (Also, it either means you're just not really that interested, or you're stupid and don't know how to communicate with the written word - Neither are good) You're expecting the other person to do all the work and being lazy! They should be talking WITH you, not AT you...

Even if you're busy, letting someone know that you'd like to chat later goes a long way.

It's rough when experience has taught us that the less effort we put into it, the more the other person will like us; but why do we have to be jerks just so you'll pay attention? Why does the fact that we've ignored our text message for a few hours make us more desirable? It should be the other way around; the lighting speed at which I respond to you should make me that much more appealing. Look at how fast my fingers move!!

(I texted too fast...)

Tired of the game

-Clever Alias

Shopping For What You Can't Afford...

Sometimes people just aren't into you, it's an upsetting part of life; but maybe it was YOUR fault for even trying in the first place! This is what I like to call "Shopping for what you can't afford"...

Physical beauty isn't everything, and looks don't have to be number one on the list of importance when choosing a partner - but let's get real for a second. If you spend the majority of your day playing World of Warcraft eating Cheetos, and she looks like she just walked off the cover of this month's Abercrombie catalog...you might be shopping at the wrong store. Conversely, if he's headed off to the gym every night while you sit and watch "Sex and the City" re-runs eating ice cream, it might be time to re-evaluate exactly who you're chasing. It sounds cold, but looks are important - play the cards you've been dealt and you might be on your way to a happy relationship.

To add to that, what are the chances you've got tons of things in common with someone who's WAY bigger or smaller than you anyway? Your entire lifestyle is contradictory - eating habits, leisure time, fitness, motivations -- everything really ... (Thanks, Dr. L)

Moving on - What about moral and spiritual beauty? Some people are just ugly on the inside. It reminds me of the movie "Alien". She comes into your life and looks like the most beautiful thing you've ever seen, then BLAHHHHHHH!!, the disgusting alien bursts out of her chest and you're covered in goo!

(Yuck...)

Gross metaphors aside, inner beauty and acts of moral turpitude are important when determining whether or not someone can afford you, or if you've got the bank roll to purchase someone else. If you're getting smashed and strip dancing in seedy bars downtown while he's out feeding homeless people and saving trees - you might want to check the price tag one more time... This example is extreme, but it holds true for the little things too...You should BE the type of person that you want to be WITH!

(Kinda like the "Golden Rule")

Of course there are always exceptions, and sometimes people downgrade and buy rusted jewelry thinking they can polish it up - but they hardly ever succeed. We secretly laugh at and feel sorry for the ones who forget what they're worth, and trade their Mustang for a Geo Metro...

Anyhow, you might not like the price tag, but it's staring you in the face. Suck it up, and shop where you can afford it - You might just find something on the sale rack that you actually like!

Stop maxing out your card

-Clever Alias

The Super Fun Dating Scene...

The dating scene the last couple of months has been interesting, to say the least. I'm starting to learn tons about human behavior, and see why people STAY single. I suppose I was pretty lucky a few years back, the girls that I happened to stumble across were instant relationship material and we ended up being together for years. They were great, but things just didn't work out. Either way, my recent encounters have helped me assemble a short list of first date Do'(s) and Don't(s):

The DON'T(s)

Sing Like You're On 'American Idol' - We're in my car hanging out, and you pump up the volume and start belting your favorite tune...Ok, kinda fun and crazy - Unless you sound like a choking cat! I appreciate the enthusiasm, but let's save the theatrics for date two or three...

Attempt Any Acrobatics You're Not Fully Capable of Performing - A running cartwheel followed by trip into the gutter doesn't quite do it for me. Not only have I witnessed your complete lack of coordination (which is off putting), but now we get to discuss how much your wrist hurts all night....Suuuuuuper.

Your Life Story - Don't tell me all the negative parts of your entire life story in the first five minutes of our date. I mean, people who know me consider me to be a pretty sensitive guy; I can have delicate conversations and am capable of empathy. But if it's our first time hanging out and you tear up as you tell me about your eating disorder, or your parent's divorce; or make-up streams down your face as you describe an ex-boyfriend, I might take a tiny step back... "Oh, hello baggage - Yes, I would love to carry you."

(Instead of "Baggage" it should say "Daddy Issues")

Text Other Guys - Really?! If the first impression I get is that you're talking to 300 other guys along with me, I might not have a burning desire to compete; and you probably won't be asked on a second date. One of THEM can take you out!

(Fine, I'm talking to other girls too, but I'm not shoving it in your face...)

Just hide it a little better at first and put the cell phone away for five minutes, we might actually have a good time.

Talk About Money - Money is a sensitive subject. You almost can't talk about it without either sounding broke, irresponsible, or like a total snob (all of which suck). I think around wedding bell time is when couples should start discussing their personal finances.

The DO'(s)

The 60/40 Conversation - Talk about the other person 60% of the time, and yourself 40% of the time. If BOTH people do this, the conversation is sure to continue throughout the night. This isn't an interrogation. Stop making me do all the work and make an attempt to get to know me too, Selfy Selferson!

(Hellllooooooo, anyone in there?!)

Dress For The Occasion - Remember the time we were just going for a leisurely dinner and maybe a hot chocolate, and you showed up in 4 inch heels you couldn't walk in and a dress where your goodies were hanging out? That was so fun!!

Break'er easy Madonna, you can relax a little, flat shoes and a modest outfit are just fine...

Be A Lady (Or Gentleman) - Call me crazy, but manners are important! A wicked belch, or artifact finding nose pick at the dinner table is just gross...

If you need to spit out your food, use a napkin; and if your stomach hurts, get up, and use the restroom.....I seriously heard that..

Gentlemen, be gentlemen - Get the door, pull out her seat, pay for the meal - trust me, she'll notice. Sometimes I wonder where the heck these people's parents are, these are the basics!

Hygene Is Fun For Everyone - You didn't brush your hair, OR shower. YAY! I was hoping it was just messy hair, but the fact that you didn't shower....Now that makes me feel special...

All in all, being single has its upside. You get to do whatever you want; Random hook-ups aren't out of the question, and you can flirt and joke with as many girls as your cellphone can hold...

But it DOES get old

- Clever Alias

Girls Who THINK They Have Guy Friends...

We have ANOTHER guest blogger! Here's what The Realist has to say about girls who THINK they have guy friends.

"Don’t you just love how innocent most girls really are? It usually takes marriage, a few fights with a husband, and some true self-reflection to realize that they’ve been wrong their whole lives.

Guys are friends with girls for a few reasons:

1. The girl is hot and the guy deep down hopes that eventually they’ll become more than friends.
2. The girl has a hot friend that the guy wants. The guy will be really nice and friendly with the ugly friend in order to get in good with the hot friend. The guy hopes that the ugly girl will talk him up to her hot friend.
3. Guys know that if they’re out with a group they look less threatening if girls are in the group.
4. Sometimes, depending on the activity, girls are necessary to be involved so that the guys don’t appear to be gay. Example: shopping, dancing, going to see a romantic comedy.
5. The guy is gay.
6. The guy is completely non-sexual. This is very rare, but it does exist. It is usually a front until the guy realizes that he’s gay.
7. The guy is too scared to make a move with the girl “friend” so he will remain as the “gay” friend until she makes the move.
8. Or, the most rare of the reasons is that he is just a really unselfish guy and cares for nothing more than just a friend because he has perfected the “loving your neighbor” thing.

Girls, this may come as a shock to you, but it’s true. Guys are simple. We want to just find a great girl. At some time in our lives, like you, we’ve been hurt when we’ve put ourselves out there. That’s usually why the guy doesn’t just go for it with you.

Why is it that after you get married 95% your guy friends disappear? Could it be because they know that there really isn’t a chance anymore? The other 5% is divided between the gay, non-sexual, and douche bag group. You will still be friends with the gay and non-sexual guys and your husband will make fun of you for it, but you’ll swear he isn’t gay. The douche bag group (who will be wearing Ed Hardy bedazzled jeans) thinks it would be cool to hook up with a married chick, which you’ll deny until he actually tries or suggests it, and it will all make sense. You’ll remember this rambling and feel stupid, because your husband already told you the same thing over and over and over and again.

So, this is to the good-looking girls who know that they are good looking: You don’t have any real guy friends.

This is to the ugly chicks that know they aren’t good-looking: Your guy friends want your hot friends.

To the straight guy that has lots of friends that are girls: Be up front about your intentions and you might have a shot. Honesty works.

To the non-sexual guy: You’re gay and the sooner you realize it, the sooner you can change.

Advice to girls with guy friends that won’t make the move: If you’re interested, let him know.

From The Realist"

Great post!! Oh, it's SO true. As a general rule, men and women can never be JUST friends. Didn't we learn anything from "When Harry Met Sally"?!

(Whoooops!)

One will almost ALWAYS develop feelings for the other, it's just human nature. The "friendship" crumbles when one or the other realizes it's never going to happen (or they torture themselves forever!). Their feelings are hurt, it hurts to be around the other person, etc. Even worse is when you lose a good friend because they develop feelings for you, but you're just not into them like that - But what can you do? Blah.

As Kurt Vonnegut would say "So it goes..."

- Clever Alias

Another Little Piece of My Heart...

Nothing can be harder, or more interesting, than the presence of ex- love interests in your life. You see or spend time with them and the old feelings creep up and surprise you. Whoa, where did THAT come from?!

Once you drop an L-Bomb and give someone a piece of your heart, you never really take it back. You might put on a front like you don't care, but you do... (That's OK!)

It almost doesn't matter that they shattered your heart into a million pieces by lying and cheating - or lead you on for months by hooking up with you while "not wanting to commit" and dating every person in their path - or refuse to make eye contact with you when they see you and act like you don't exist - You STILL have that secret relationship. You still shared something together, and it's not easily forgotten....

(We'll always have Paris...)

Even more fun is when they ask you to hang out and you spend a little bit of time with them....Is there still something here? Are we more than friends? Should we try again? It can all get pretty confusing from here, and for the most part, your ex(s) are your ex(s) for a REASON - but there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule! So you never know...

All you can do from here is see what happens - do your best to protect yourself from future heart ache - and make a worthy effort to control yourself and your emotions.

You've got the power!

-Clever Alias

A Girls Predicament

It seems as though our last post about the qualities of a lady douche has struck a chord in the Makin’ Lemonade reading community, and from the wreckage has emerged our FIRST GUEST BLOGGER! She has submitted a post called “A Girl’s Predicament”. Let’s see what she has to say about all this girly doucheness…

"In a conversation, I generally focus on the other person rather than myself; I truly am interested in what people are up to, what their hobbies are, how they’re doing, etc. I already know all that stuff about myself and this is why I prefer talking about the other person instead. With the opposite sex, however, this is oftentimes misconstrued as romantic interest or flirtation—and this is where the line between being friendly and being flirty begins to dissolve. He thinks I’m flirting, but I know I’m just being friendly. Let me illustrate with an encounter that I observed just last week:

My friend and I had just boarded a plane heading back to the U.S. I had reserved the window seat (fortunately) and she had reserved the aisle seat. Across the aisle from her, maybe 2 feet away, an older gentleman had just taken his seat. (By older, I mean old enough to attend AARP meetings with our dads). Anyway, he begins making small talk and asking where she is from, what she does….you know, the basics. Well, my friend answers in her usual upbeat and friendly way. As I settle in, I’m half listening to their conversation, but not thinking much about it at all. Twenty minutes pass. All of a sudden, I hear my friend mention that I am from Las Vegas. This is her way of trying to take the focus off herself. It doesn’t work—in fact, it works against her. The Las Vegas comment gives him an idea. He suggests that they take a road trip to Vegas together (they are both from the same area) and when would she like to go? From there, it becomes very clear that he is interested in her romantically. He mentions he is recently divorced and would like to take her out to dinner. The next 12 hours on the plane are slightly uncomfortable for her. Every couple hours he tries to strike up a conversation and she politely tells him she’s in the middle of a very interesting movie. At the end of the flight, he throws out his final offer, gives her his contact information, and alights the plane.

There are a few unfortunate realities about this encounter:

1. A man should not be hitting on a woman who could easily pass as his youngest daughter. No way.
2. He wasn’t picking up on subtlety. (Since he is recently divorced, we’ll give him a break; this dating thing is probably new for him). In my friend’s words “He had no game.”
3. It ended up being awkward for both parties: she had to reject him repeatedly and he unsuccessfully tried to find love on China Airlines.

So what is my point in recounting this story? My point is that being friendly can backfire. In this particular instance, my friend was being friendly, nothing more. She didn’t flirt, she didn’t touch, she didn’t try to make future plans. She made it very clear that she only wanted a platonic, 12-hour relationship. He, on the other hand, thought she was showing interest and giving him the “go ahead.” Why did he think this? Because the perception of friendliness can often be confused with flirtiness. And what is the solution? Well, there really is none; that’s why it is a predicament. You can’t be unfriendly; that’s just not cool. The closest thing to a solution is to merely try and pick up on subtlety more. This being said, some people will never pick up on anything more subtle than the other person actually saying, “I’m not interested in you.” Since most of us women would feel horrible actually saying this straight out, the “games” will continue. And by “games” I really mean “not saying what’s on our minds”—and that’s an entirely separate post.

Thus, the moral of my story is this: Request a window seat if you have the option. That way, you only have ONE person sitting next to you. If this person acts extra “friendly” and you’re not romantically interested, you can always look out the window and pretend like you’re really into cloud formations.

Stay tuned for next week’s post. Clever Alias (i.e. the “male Delilah”) will be answering the age old question: How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?

Happy dating!

Sincerely,

The Less-Famous Dr. Laura

(www.vegasbanana.blogspot.com)"

Not sure that will be our next post, but it's a consideration...

Interesting stuff, thanks Dr. L.!!

-Clever Alias

I Saw the Sign...

Not sure how you were ever interested in that jerk? Pretty girl treat you like crap and break your heart?

Half of all relationship woes could be resolved and avoided by a simple screening process. This mini-list of red flags will serve you well to dodge relationship sorrow and pain. Following are some telltale signs of a douchebag which should send you running for the hills.

The Male Douche

The Flat Billed Hat - This form of douchery is evident immediately. If the guy you're interested in is almost ALWAYS wearing a flat or straight billed hat, he most likely thinks he's "too cool for school" and is a total douche.

Bandanas - Unless serving their intended purpose of A) keeping dust and debris out of the guy's throat, nose, and mouth, B) protecting his head from a harsh helmet or the sun, or C) to keep his neck cool on a hot day, his wearing of a bandana is another "too cool for school" move, and equals doucheness.

Affliction TShirts - An over abundance of skin tight "Affliction" TShirts that the guy goes clubbing in, when the pansy doesn't even train in MMA, is a good douche indicator.

The Word "Bro" - Excessive use of the word "bro" at the beginning or end of every sentence - "Bro! That was so tight!", "Aw Bro!", "Bro, you should have seen the hunnies there last night!"........"Hey bro! You're a douche!"

Snoop Wannabe - The occasional joke might be appropriate, but any serious use of the Snoop Dog language where every word ends in izzle, heezy, or hizzy, makes him a douchebag - for shizzle...

The Bragger - Any guy who brags about how many girls he can/has hooked up with fits into the douche category. Yea, yea, we get it dude... You're super cool and we're all impressed.

The Player - the guy who is talking to a million girls at once and "doesn't want to commit", but makes sure to keep stringing you along to keep you available as an option. He makes sure to send the occasional booty call as well - Why waste your time being another chick on his list? He's a douche...

But wait, there's more...

Men aren't the only douche bags out there - there are PLENTY of girls who fit into this category, just in their own fashion. Guys - be wary of these girls, they'll chew you up and spit you out. Here are some red flags:

The Lady Douche

The Barbie Doll - Barbie doll chicks are NOT hot, and are the female form of the "too cool for school" guy douche. Big fake boobs, spray on tans, caked on make-up, and big enough sun glasses to fit Jeff Goldblum as "The Fly" are pretty good indicators of the the Barbie Doll douche.

Side note: Girls like this have major confidence, image, and psychological issues anyway, better to steer clear...

The ME Monster - This one takes a little longer to screen for, but you should start to worry if the girl you're interested in is displaying signs of COMPLETE selfishness. Their life is more important than yours, for any and every reason. It's all about THEM, all the time. She's on HER path, and HER time, and you can either hop on, or get the hell out of the way. You guys always do what she wants to do. You're always taking care of her obligations and problems, and she rarely helps you with yours. She makes plans without even telling you, and has little regard for how you'll feel about it. Important things in your life are unimportant to her. If it's not fun, she's not kickin' it; and if her girlfriends call her, you can kiss your weekend plans goodbye. Be on the lookout for the ME monster...

The Player - Yep, girls do it too - girls will talk and flirt with a million guys at once and tell you they "don't want to commit", OR swear up and down that they're not flirting! - keep a close eye on the cell phone here..If a bunch of different dudes are blowing up her phone at all hours of the night, it's not because she hardly talks to them or they have nothing to go off of - She's giving them signals when you're not around...

The Leader On-er - This is the girl who leads guys who legitimately like them on just for fun. She'll claim that she's "just trying to be nice", or doesn't know that she's doing it, or she "feels bad", but really she gets a sick pleasure out of the attention. She doesn't feel bad, she's having fun...If you're starting to feel led on, chances are, you're being led on. Cut ties immediately and save yourself some pride.

The Gold Digger - If one of the requirements to date you is that you have money, or she makes you feel bad about not having more of it, she's not worth your time. As long as you're trying to make something of yourself, she should be supportive - not kicking you while you're down

(Ahhhhh....Nice and Simple)

These douchebags deserve EACH OTHER, but it seems as though they rarely find one another. Instead, they prey on the good guys and girls who deserve GOOD relationships. Life is funny that way...

Be on the lookout for the signs and all will be well!

- Clever Alias