Another Little Piece of My Heart...

Nothing can be harder, or more interesting, than the presence of ex- love interests in your life. You see or spend time with them and the old feelings creep up and surprise you. Whoa, where did THAT come from?!

Once you drop an L-Bomb and give someone a piece of your heart, you never really take it back. You might put on a front like you don't care, but you do... (That's OK!)

It almost doesn't matter that they shattered your heart into a million pieces by lying and cheating - or lead you on for months by hooking up with you while "not wanting to commit" and dating every person in their path - or refuse to make eye contact with you when they see you and act like you don't exist - You STILL have that secret relationship. You still shared something together, and it's not easily forgotten....

(We'll always have Paris...)

Even more fun is when they ask you to hang out and you spend a little bit of time with them....Is there still something here? Are we more than friends? Should we try again? It can all get pretty confusing from here, and for the most part, your ex(s) are your ex(s) for a REASON - but there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule! So you never know...

All you can do from here is see what happens - do your best to protect yourself from future heart ache - and make a worthy effort to control yourself and your emotions.

You've got the power!

-Clever Alias

A Girls Predicament

It seems as though our last post about the qualities of a lady douche has struck a chord in the Makin’ Lemonade reading community, and from the wreckage has emerged our FIRST GUEST BLOGGER! She has submitted a post called “A Girl’s Predicament”. Let’s see what she has to say about all this girly doucheness…

"In a conversation, I generally focus on the other person rather than myself; I truly am interested in what people are up to, what their hobbies are, how they’re doing, etc. I already know all that stuff about myself and this is why I prefer talking about the other person instead. With the opposite sex, however, this is oftentimes misconstrued as romantic interest or flirtation—and this is where the line between being friendly and being flirty begins to dissolve. He thinks I’m flirting, but I know I’m just being friendly. Let me illustrate with an encounter that I observed just last week:

My friend and I had just boarded a plane heading back to the U.S. I had reserved the window seat (fortunately) and she had reserved the aisle seat. Across the aisle from her, maybe 2 feet away, an older gentleman had just taken his seat. (By older, I mean old enough to attend AARP meetings with our dads). Anyway, he begins making small talk and asking where she is from, what she does….you know, the basics. Well, my friend answers in her usual upbeat and friendly way. As I settle in, I’m half listening to their conversation, but not thinking much about it at all. Twenty minutes pass. All of a sudden, I hear my friend mention that I am from Las Vegas. This is her way of trying to take the focus off herself. It doesn’t work—in fact, it works against her. The Las Vegas comment gives him an idea. He suggests that they take a road trip to Vegas together (they are both from the same area) and when would she like to go? From there, it becomes very clear that he is interested in her romantically. He mentions he is recently divorced and would like to take her out to dinner. The next 12 hours on the plane are slightly uncomfortable for her. Every couple hours he tries to strike up a conversation and she politely tells him she’s in the middle of a very interesting movie. At the end of the flight, he throws out his final offer, gives her his contact information, and alights the plane.

There are a few unfortunate realities about this encounter:

1. A man should not be hitting on a woman who could easily pass as his youngest daughter. No way.
2. He wasn’t picking up on subtlety. (Since he is recently divorced, we’ll give him a break; this dating thing is probably new for him). In my friend’s words “He had no game.”
3. It ended up being awkward for both parties: she had to reject him repeatedly and he unsuccessfully tried to find love on China Airlines.

So what is my point in recounting this story? My point is that being friendly can backfire. In this particular instance, my friend was being friendly, nothing more. She didn’t flirt, she didn’t touch, she didn’t try to make future plans. She made it very clear that she only wanted a platonic, 12-hour relationship. He, on the other hand, thought she was showing interest and giving him the “go ahead.” Why did he think this? Because the perception of friendliness can often be confused with flirtiness. And what is the solution? Well, there really is none; that’s why it is a predicament. You can’t be unfriendly; that’s just not cool. The closest thing to a solution is to merely try and pick up on subtlety more. This being said, some people will never pick up on anything more subtle than the other person actually saying, “I’m not interested in you.” Since most of us women would feel horrible actually saying this straight out, the “games” will continue. And by “games” I really mean “not saying what’s on our minds”—and that’s an entirely separate post.

Thus, the moral of my story is this: Request a window seat if you have the option. That way, you only have ONE person sitting next to you. If this person acts extra “friendly” and you’re not romantically interested, you can always look out the window and pretend like you’re really into cloud formations.

Stay tuned for next week’s post. Clever Alias (i.e. the “male Delilah”) will be answering the age old question: How can we be lovers if we can’t be friends?

Happy dating!

Sincerely,

The Less-Famous Dr. Laura

(www.vegasbanana.blogspot.com)"

Not sure that will be our next post, but it's a consideration...

Interesting stuff, thanks Dr. L.!!

-Clever Alias

I Saw the Sign...

Not sure how you were ever interested in that jerk? Pretty girl treat you like crap and break your heart?

Half of all relationship woes could be resolved and avoided by a simple screening process. This mini-list of red flags will serve you well to dodge relationship sorrow and pain. Following are some telltale signs of a douchebag which should send you running for the hills.

The Male Douche

The Flat Billed Hat - This form of douchery is evident immediately. If the guy you're interested in is almost ALWAYS wearing a flat or straight billed hat, he most likely thinks he's "too cool for school" and is a total douche.

Bandanas - Unless serving their intended purpose of A) keeping dust and debris out of the guy's throat, nose, and mouth, B) protecting his head from a harsh helmet or the sun, or C) to keep his neck cool on a hot day, his wearing of a bandana is another "too cool for school" move, and equals doucheness.

Affliction TShirts - An over abundance of skin tight "Affliction" TShirts that the guy goes clubbing in, when the pansy doesn't even train in MMA, is a good douche indicator.

The Word "Bro" - Excessive use of the word "bro" at the beginning or end of every sentence - "Bro! That was so tight!", "Aw Bro!", "Bro, you should have seen the hunnies there last night!"........"Hey bro! You're a douche!"

Snoop Wannabe - The occasional joke might be appropriate, but any serious use of the Snoop Dog language where every word ends in izzle, heezy, or hizzy, makes him a douchebag - for shizzle...

The Bragger - Any guy who brags about how many girls he can/has hooked up with fits into the douche category. Yea, yea, we get it dude... You're super cool and we're all impressed.

The Player - the guy who is talking to a million girls at once and "doesn't want to commit", but makes sure to keep stringing you along to keep you available as an option. He makes sure to send the occasional booty call as well - Why waste your time being another chick on his list? He's a douche...

But wait, there's more...

Men aren't the only douche bags out there - there are PLENTY of girls who fit into this category, just in their own fashion. Guys - be wary of these girls, they'll chew you up and spit you out. Here are some red flags:

The Lady Douche

The Barbie Doll - Barbie doll chicks are NOT hot, and are the female form of the "too cool for school" guy douche. Big fake boobs, spray on tans, caked on make-up, and big enough sun glasses to fit Jeff Goldblum as "The Fly" are pretty good indicators of the the Barbie Doll douche.

Side note: Girls like this have major confidence, image, and psychological issues anyway, better to steer clear...

The ME Monster - This one takes a little longer to screen for, but you should start to worry if the girl you're interested in is displaying signs of COMPLETE selfishness. Their life is more important than yours, for any and every reason. It's all about THEM, all the time. She's on HER path, and HER time, and you can either hop on, or get the hell out of the way. You guys always do what she wants to do. You're always taking care of her obligations and problems, and she rarely helps you with yours. She makes plans without even telling you, and has little regard for how you'll feel about it. Important things in your life are unimportant to her. If it's not fun, she's not kickin' it; and if her girlfriends call her, you can kiss your weekend plans goodbye. Be on the lookout for the ME monster...

The Player - Yep, girls do it too - girls will talk and flirt with a million guys at once and tell you they "don't want to commit", OR swear up and down that they're not flirting! - keep a close eye on the cell phone here..If a bunch of different dudes are blowing up her phone at all hours of the night, it's not because she hardly talks to them or they have nothing to go off of - She's giving them signals when you're not around...

The Leader On-er - This is the girl who leads guys who legitimately like them on just for fun. She'll claim that she's "just trying to be nice", or doesn't know that she's doing it, or she "feels bad", but really she gets a sick pleasure out of the attention. She doesn't feel bad, she's having fun...If you're starting to feel led on, chances are, you're being led on. Cut ties immediately and save yourself some pride.

The Gold Digger - If one of the requirements to date you is that you have money, or she makes you feel bad about not having more of it, she's not worth your time. As long as you're trying to make something of yourself, she should be supportive - not kicking you while you're down

(Ahhhhh....Nice and Simple)

These douchebags deserve EACH OTHER, but it seems as though they rarely find one another. Instead, they prey on the good guys and girls who deserve GOOD relationships. Life is funny that way...

Be on the lookout for the signs and all will be well!

- Clever Alias