READY, Set, Go!

Sometimes we just aren't ready for a serious relationship; sometimes we need to take a hiatus from the opposite sex while we figure our life out. We need to be whole, confident, and READY people before we can fairly take on someone else. What good are we to someone when we're broken and tattered? How can we take care of someone else when we're not even able to take care ourselves? I kinda like the traffic light metaphor here - Let's examine the stages of readiness to see if YOU are ready for a real relationship.

RED - This is the stage where you pretty much HATE the opposite sex. You could care less if every last one of them was run over by a bus. You've just had your heart broken; you're desperately trying to get over someone; just found out you had an STD - Take your pick. The point is, you're all about YOU. You're thinking about you, worrying about you, and concentrating on you. Your life and emotional health are the only things that are important to you right now. Your biggest worry is figuring out how you're going to make it through the next few hours without crying.

Attempting to enter a relationship at this stage is useless, and terribly selfish. It's only fair to be completely honest about where you stand if someone happens to express interest while you're in this stage. Unfortunately, this is the stage where people will probably express the MOST interest in you; it's terribly unfair. But how often have we been completely self absorbed, acting only on impulse and instant gratification, and someone comes along who wants to ride the crazy train? This goes back to our previous posts about men and women liking total selfish douchebags. Anyhow, if you're completely honest about where you stand, and someone still wants to tag along for the ride, it's their bad when you rip their heart out of their chest.

YELLOW - We're starting to feel a little better. The daily pain of our recent loss is becoming less acute; we're starting to be able to concentrate on other things in life. Perhaps we even start finding little joys here and there and can crack a few smiles. We're not totally over it, but the thought of tossing every member of the opposite sex off a building is no longer sounding like the best idea you've ever had. We're ready to hang out with friends, and dip our toes in the water - Maybe we even flirt a little. However, this is a dangerous stage. It's the stage containing the most uncertainty. One minute, you're ready. The next, you're pulling out quicker than .... ..... ... Well, insert your own inappropriate joke here. The point is, you're an emotional roller coaster. Sometimes you feel good, and other times you just want to be left alone.

(This ride totally sucks...)

You're like a turtle poking his head in and out of his shell. This is the most confusing time for others who are trying to court you. You're trying to be honest and tell them where you stand, but YOU don't even know where you stand...All you can do is give them a daily update. That's why I say we refrain from attempting any serious relationships at this stage as well. You're still not ready; still not whole. You don't know what you want, so stop tuggin' on people's heart strings with your indecisiveness. Wait until you're really ready to make up your mind and be in the GREEN.

GREEN - You're ready. You've realized that the last idiot that broke your heart was really just the biggest bullet you've ever dodged. They had a kid and a crazy ex, or narcissistic personality disorder, or wasn't even close to challenging you intellectually, or had halitosis, or WHATEVER...The point is, you can see everything you're NOT missing out on - and you can chuckle about it. Also, you're no longer a total selfy-selferson just looking for your next fix of endorphins. Your actions are methodical and planned. The thought of a real relationship doesn't induce vomiting, and the opposite sex is looking mighty fine in that outfit today. You're going on dates and considering the possibilities of communication with that person beyond tonight's booty call.

Most importantly, you feel GOOD. You feel good about life. You're whole. You don't NEED anyone, you just want someone because it's nice. You've got your priorities in order, your head on straight, and you might just be ready to commit to the next hottie who treats you right.

It's important that we don't attempt relationships while we're in the Red and Yellow stages. It's just not fair to other people, and you want to be a good person right? Yea you do. You rock.

Go Green or Go Home

-Clever Alias