The Super Fun Dating Scene...

The dating scene the last couple of months has been interesting, to say the least. I'm starting to learn tons about human behavior, and see why people STAY single. I suppose I was pretty lucky a few years back, the girls that I happened to stumble across were instant relationship material and we ended up being together for years. They were great, but things just didn't work out. Either way, my recent encounters have helped me assemble a short list of first date Do'(s) and Don't(s):

The DON'T(s)

Sing Like You're On 'American Idol' - We're in my car hanging out, and you pump up the volume and start belting your favorite tune...Ok, kinda fun and crazy - Unless you sound like a choking cat! I appreciate the enthusiasm, but let's save the theatrics for date two or three...

Attempt Any Acrobatics You're Not Fully Capable of Performing - A running cartwheel followed by trip into the gutter doesn't quite do it for me. Not only have I witnessed your complete lack of coordination (which is off putting), but now we get to discuss how much your wrist hurts all night....Suuuuuuper.

Your Life Story - Don't tell me all the negative parts of your entire life story in the first five minutes of our date. I mean, people who know me consider me to be a pretty sensitive guy; I can have delicate conversations and am capable of empathy. But if it's our first time hanging out and you tear up as you tell me about your eating disorder, or your parent's divorce; or make-up streams down your face as you describe an ex-boyfriend, I might take a tiny step back... "Oh, hello baggage - Yes, I would love to carry you."

(Instead of "Baggage" it should say "Daddy Issues")

Text Other Guys - Really?! If the first impression I get is that you're talking to 300 other guys along with me, I might not have a burning desire to compete; and you probably won't be asked on a second date. One of THEM can take you out!

(Fine, I'm talking to other girls too, but I'm not shoving it in your face...)

Just hide it a little better at first and put the cell phone away for five minutes, we might actually have a good time.

Talk About Money - Money is a sensitive subject. You almost can't talk about it without either sounding broke, irresponsible, or like a total snob (all of which suck). I think around wedding bell time is when couples should start discussing their personal finances.

The DO'(s)

The 60/40 Conversation - Talk about the other person 60% of the time, and yourself 40% of the time. If BOTH people do this, the conversation is sure to continue throughout the night. This isn't an interrogation. Stop making me do all the work and make an attempt to get to know me too, Selfy Selferson!

(Hellllooooooo, anyone in there?!)

Dress For The Occasion - Remember the time we were just going for a leisurely dinner and maybe a hot chocolate, and you showed up in 4 inch heels you couldn't walk in and a dress where your goodies were hanging out? That was so fun!!

Break'er easy Madonna, you can relax a little, flat shoes and a modest outfit are just fine...

Be A Lady (Or Gentleman) - Call me crazy, but manners are important! A wicked belch, or artifact finding nose pick at the dinner table is just gross...

If you need to spit out your food, use a napkin; and if your stomach hurts, get up, and use the restroom.....I seriously heard that..

Gentlemen, be gentlemen - Get the door, pull out her seat, pay for the meal - trust me, she'll notice. Sometimes I wonder where the heck these people's parents are, these are the basics!

Hygene Is Fun For Everyone - You didn't brush your hair, OR shower. YAY! I was hoping it was just messy hair, but the fact that you didn't shower....Now that makes me feel special...

All in all, being single has its upside. You get to do whatever you want; Random hook-ups aren't out of the question, and you can flirt and joke with as many girls as your cellphone can hold...

But it DOES get old

- Clever Alias

Girls Who THINK They Have Guy Friends...

We have ANOTHER guest blogger! Here's what The Realist has to say about girls who THINK they have guy friends.

"Don’t you just love how innocent most girls really are? It usually takes marriage, a few fights with a husband, and some true self-reflection to realize that they’ve been wrong their whole lives.

Guys are friends with girls for a few reasons:

1. The girl is hot and the guy deep down hopes that eventually they’ll become more than friends.
2. The girl has a hot friend that the guy wants. The guy will be really nice and friendly with the ugly friend in order to get in good with the hot friend. The guy hopes that the ugly girl will talk him up to her hot friend.
3. Guys know that if they’re out with a group they look less threatening if girls are in the group.
4. Sometimes, depending on the activity, girls are necessary to be involved so that the guys don’t appear to be gay. Example: shopping, dancing, going to see a romantic comedy.
5. The guy is gay.
6. The guy is completely non-sexual. This is very rare, but it does exist. It is usually a front until the guy realizes that he’s gay.
7. The guy is too scared to make a move with the girl “friend” so he will remain as the “gay” friend until she makes the move.
8. Or, the most rare of the reasons is that he is just a really unselfish guy and cares for nothing more than just a friend because he has perfected the “loving your neighbor” thing.

Girls, this may come as a shock to you, but it’s true. Guys are simple. We want to just find a great girl. At some time in our lives, like you, we’ve been hurt when we’ve put ourselves out there. That’s usually why the guy doesn’t just go for it with you.

Why is it that after you get married 95% your guy friends disappear? Could it be because they know that there really isn’t a chance anymore? The other 5% is divided between the gay, non-sexual, and douche bag group. You will still be friends with the gay and non-sexual guys and your husband will make fun of you for it, but you’ll swear he isn’t gay. The douche bag group (who will be wearing Ed Hardy bedazzled jeans) thinks it would be cool to hook up with a married chick, which you’ll deny until he actually tries or suggests it, and it will all make sense. You’ll remember this rambling and feel stupid, because your husband already told you the same thing over and over and over and again.

So, this is to the good-looking girls who know that they are good looking: You don’t have any real guy friends.

This is to the ugly chicks that know they aren’t good-looking: Your guy friends want your hot friends.

To the straight guy that has lots of friends that are girls: Be up front about your intentions and you might have a shot. Honesty works.

To the non-sexual guy: You’re gay and the sooner you realize it, the sooner you can change.

Advice to girls with guy friends that won’t make the move: If you’re interested, let him know.

From The Realist"

Great post!! Oh, it's SO true. As a general rule, men and women can never be JUST friends. Didn't we learn anything from "When Harry Met Sally"?!

(Whoooops!)

One will almost ALWAYS develop feelings for the other, it's just human nature. The "friendship" crumbles when one or the other realizes it's never going to happen (or they torture themselves forever!). Their feelings are hurt, it hurts to be around the other person, etc. Even worse is when you lose a good friend because they develop feelings for you, but you're just not into them like that - But what can you do? Blah.

As Kurt Vonnegut would say "So it goes..."

- Clever Alias