The dating scene the last couple of months has been interesting, to say the least. I'm starting to learn tons about human behavior, and see why people STAY single. I suppose I was pretty lucky a few years back, the girls that I happened to stumble across were instant relationship material and we ended up being together for years. They were great, but things just didn't work out. Either way, my recent encounters have helped me assemble a short list of first date Do'(s) and Don't(s):
The DON'T(s)
Sing Like You're On 'American Idol' - We're in my car hanging out, and you pump up the volume and start belting your favorite tune...Ok, kinda fun and crazy - Unless you sound like a choking cat! I appreciate the enthusiasm, but let's save the theatrics for date two or three...
Attempt Any Acrobatics You're Not Fully Capable of Performing - A running cartwheel followed by trip into the gutter doesn't quite do it for me. Not only have I witnessed your complete lack of coordination (which is off putting), but now we get to discuss how much your wrist hurts all night....Suuuuuuper.
Your Life Story - Don't tell me all the negative parts of your entire life story in the first five minutes of our date. I mean, people who know me consider me to be a pretty sensitive guy; I can have delicate conversations and am capable of empathy. But if it's our first time hanging out and you tear up as you tell me about your eating disorder, or your parent's divorce; or make-up streams down your face as you describe an ex-boyfriend, I might take a tiny step back... "Oh, hello baggage - Yes, I would love to carry you."
(Instead of "Baggage" it should say "Daddy Issues")
Text Other Guys - Really?! If the first impression I get is that you're talking to 300 other guys along with me, I might not have a burning desire to compete; and you probably won't be asked on a second date. One of THEM can take you out!
(Fine, I'm talking to other girls too, but I'm not shoving it in your face...)
Just hide it a little better at first and put the cell phone away for five minutes, we might actually have a good time.
Talk About Money - Money is a sensitive subject. You almost can't talk about it without either sounding broke, irresponsible, or like a total snob (all of which suck). I think around wedding bell time is when couples should start discussing their personal finances.
The DO'(s)
The 60/40 Conversation - Talk about the other person 60% of the time, and yourself 40% of the time. If BOTH people do this, the conversation is sure to continue throughout the night. This isn't an interrogation. Stop making me do all the work and make an attempt to get to know me too, Selfy Selferson!
(Hellllooooooo, anyone in there?!)
Dress For The Occasion - Remember the time we were just going for a leisurely dinner and maybe a hot chocolate, and you showed up in 4 inch heels you couldn't walk in and a dress where your goodies were hanging out? That was so fun!!
Break'er easy Madonna, you can relax a little, flat shoes and a modest outfit are just fine...
Be A Lady (Or Gentleman) - Call me crazy, but manners are important! A wicked belch, or artifact finding nose pick at the dinner table is just gross...
If you need to spit out your food, use a napkin; and if your stomach hurts, get up, and use the restroom.....I seriously heard that..
Gentlemen, be gentlemen - Get the door, pull out her seat, pay for the meal - trust me, she'll notice. Sometimes I wonder where the heck these people's parents are, these are the basics!
Hygene Is Fun For Everyone - You didn't brush your hair, OR shower. YAY! I was hoping it was just messy hair, but the fact that you didn't shower....Now that makes me feel special...
All in all, being single has its upside. You get to do whatever you want; Random hook-ups aren't out of the question, and you can flirt and joke with as many girls as your cellphone can hold...
But it DOES get old
- Clever Alias
4 comments:
Wow sir! If i didn't know you I'd think u were Matthew McConaughey. You used to be a little different than you are describing in this post. It is great to be single sometimes but other times it can get a little lonely. Seriously how many random girls can you have sex with before you're satisfied (rhetorical question don't answer)...
It's tough to find a girl that is a "keeper", you have keep in mind you're in Las Vegas brotha, they aren't exactly falling from the dead trees or hiding behind the tumble weeds. I've been on a ton of dates since my situation and it's not as bad as you descibe. Shockingly tho it's hard for me to trust any female person after getting hucklebucked by my ex wife. That by the way is my baggage... I have to pick my spot of when to tell the young lady that "hey by the way, on a side note I was married, no biggie."
The one thing you forgot when you're talking about baggage -- what about the KING of baggage!! How bout the fact that eveyone girl over the age of 21 also has a kid...it's like they are handing out those niños when you pass your drivers license test (written part). That for me always throws off the situation. Even if I really like the girl, she just got put into the (not serious relationship section). I think there's a switch in my head that I click off when the words "I have a son/daughter comes out of their mouth"....i know that for the next 15-18 yrs you're gonna have a certain bond with the kids daddy even though he lives in Chihuahua Mexico and you haven't seen him in 3 years. Not only that but when is it time to meet the child? 5 dates? 10? How bout never! I'm not trying to take care of someone elses kid, may sound rude but it's the truth and it's exactly what 99% of the guys are thinking when the revalation comes out. At least marriage you can cut ties, when it comes to kids, you're Effed!
Am I wrong??
Wait, you put your phone away for dates? Do you go through withdrawals? (j/k - I kid, I kid). First, who are these girls and where are you finding them? Perhaps we need to expand your dating pool. Because, yikes. Second, exactly how many girls can your cell phone hold?
Laura Jane said...
""I think around wedding bell time is when couples should start discussing their personal finances."
isn't money the number one thing couples fight about? the earlier you start talking about it, the better. just my opinion.
btw, did all of the don'ts really happen to you? just curious.
At This Rate I'll Never Have Any Grandchildren!!!! Where do you find girls that fart on a first date? Or 'ever' in front of you, (I realize there's always the accident) Daddy opens my car door still after 25 yrs. You're right, these are the basics. What are the looking for,"the guy on the White Horse?" Already happened on Will & Grace, Didn't Work Out!! Try real men,like Charles. Keep looking Chal, she;s out ther. AML ~M~
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